“So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.” (Matthew 5:23-24, ESV)
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At the very beginning of my Christian experience, God sent a fellow sailor into my life to show me an awful wrong in my past. It is difficult to describe the transition from my lost condition as a young religious individual to that of a Christian believer. In fact, I know, of course, that “transition” is hardly the word. It is actually a passing “from death to life” (John 5:24). It is a new birth, a new creation, a new ownership. And there were wrongs in my life that very much needed to be righted.
The sailor I refer to was a young petty officer, several grades in rank above me in the Navy. One day I came into the barracks and glanced at his “rack” (bed) and saw a Bible lying there. My instant thought was, “Why would anyone bring a holy book into a godless place like this?” Within a few days I had met the young man and owner of the Bible. He was Ed Moore from Alabama and he was just finishing a four-year tour of duty in the Navy. I was just beginning my two-year tour.
Without actually confronting me with my need of Christ, Ed simply lived the Christian life before me, referring often to his Bible and questioning me about my background. I do not know, exactly, when I was saved but I am inclined to think that it was right about this time. As I learned the truth I believed it, hence, I am not sure at precisely what moment God saved me. In large part he was responsible for setting me on the path that won me to the Lord.
Before long our conversations turned to girls and some of our dating relationships. He fondly told me of a young Japanese girl he had met while overseas with whom he had fallen in love. After an extended period of dating Ed described as a wonderful relationship he had had with this young lady, they had agreed to bring this relationship to an end, mostly I think because of their racial differences. Ed was clearly moved to tell me about it though the events he described were a couple of years old.
One afternoon as we were standing around talking, just the two of us, I found myself volunteering information I had never told anyone. Probably as a response to Ed’s disclosure that he had had a serious dating relationship, I confessed that day that so had I. In fact, I went on to tell him, I was actually engaged to marry a young woman with whom I had gone to high school. Her name was “Sally.” As nearly as I can remember, the following was my confession; a confession I made to my friend more than fifty years ago.
SALLY
We had graduated from high school and had dated seriously for about a year. Fall was coming and Sally had made plans to attend Ohio University to become an elementary school teacher. Though we dated regularly and enjoyed our outings together, I began to have nagging feelings that I didn’t really want to continue the relationship. Sally was a nice girl, friendly and outgoing and always seemed to interpret things I said and did in the most optimistic light. We continued to see each other.
Finally the day came when she was to depart for college. I was working in a local factory and was off work the Sunday she was to leave. We agreed to drive together to Lancaster, a distance of some twenty miles or so, and there she would board a bus for the final thirty miles to the school. She knew nothing of my inner feelings of wanting out of our relationship. I lacked the courage to even bring up the subject. Our trip to Lancaster was uneventful. We made small talk. She was excited about college and I entered the conversation to some degree.
We awaited the bus’s arrival to depart for Athens. When it did, I told her goodbye as I carried her luggage onto the bus. We embraced briefly and I made my way back to the sidewalk. As I did so, I was planning in my heart never to see her again. I stood at the bus’s side waving goodbye with these thoughts in my mind. A tiny girl, she pulled herself up on the bus seat to smile and wave as the bus pulled away. Much challenging college work lay ahead of her, I now know, but I gave it no consideration whatsoever.
On the return trip to Newark, the hometown of both of us, I had trouble with my car’s radiator. The older model Buick was a nice car but it had always tended to run hot. I had to stop for water in the little village of Hebron. In dealing with the car, adding water, I sustained a nasty burn on my arm. As I fumed over this, I determined all the more that my relationship with Sally was at an end.
NOTHING
After a few days, a letter arrived from Athens from my fiancee. I skimmed over the letter noting her happy remarks about college, getting adjusted to school life and asking about me. I turned away from the letter and dropped it into a wastebasket nearby. Some days went by and another letter arrived from Sally asking about me and expressing some surprise that she had not heard from me. I wrote nothing.
This failure on my part to correspond or contact her in any way went on for many weeks. Letters came to me but I made no reply. Finally, my dad, who worked in the same factory as did her father, asked me if I had contacted Sally. “Her dad asked me today if you were sick or anything,” my dad volunteered. “I told him, you were all right.” I mumbled something to my father but did not go into any detail. I am sure my parents suspected something was wrong but I said nothing.
A letter or two arrived from Sally with serious questions for me. I ignored them. I knew inquiries were being made about me through my parents but I kept my distance and refused to talk about Sally or our relationship. Weeks passed in this manner. Sally’s letters to me revealed her confusion and disappointment. As I look back upon those days now, I am amazed she could really study or find success in school. Most of her first semester at school had passed and she had kept up her letters. Her concern and questions were many but I made no reply to any of them.
I arrived home from work one day, several months after I had seen Sally for the last time, that night in Lancaster, on the bus. A terse note had arrived in the mail from her father. Attached to the note was a check for several dollars. It was half the money Sally and I had saved in a large piggybank toward our marriage. With little more than a twinge of conscience I spent the money. I made no reply to the Sally’s family whatsoever.
ED’S RESPONSE
At the end of my story, a story I had never confided to anyone, my new friend, Ed, stood silently for a few moments. Finally looking up at me he said, “You mean that is how you ended your relationship with a girl you asked to marry you?” I hung my head and nodded. He blurted out, “You never contacted her again?” Again I hung my head. As I did so I instantly felt the enormity of the sin I had committed against this dear girl.
Ed and I finished our conversation. In retrospect, I am sure Ed was deeply moved and disappointed at learning of the duplicity and deceit I had maintained for many months, now some two years later. Ed never said anything further about the matter and, as I recall, I offered some lame remark and we parted.
In a few weeks Ed was mustered out of the Navy and I continued my duties. My thoughts slowly turned toward the one I had wronged. I knew I had to do something.
THE LETTER
With pen in hand I sat down to write. For the first time since our parting I pictured the face of the one whose blond hair and loving face had appeared waving from the bus window. My cowardly actions, I realized, were in dark contrast to her innocent inquiries over the many weeks she had sought to contact me. Finally I saw the real truth of what I had done — I had sinned against God and against this young woman who had promised to marry me. As I began to write a great fear gripped me that she might interpret my letter as an attempt to reestablish our relationship. I was in for a surprise.
Now, having been a believer for some fifty years, I realize how awful and inexcusable my conduct had been toward this one with who had loved and trusted me.. The weight of this sin in my life today would still be with me, I am sure, had I not sought to make amends when I did.
The letter I wrote all those years ago was short, as I recall and, I am sure, was not at all as thorough as it should have been. Time has erased its exact content from my mind but I do know I told her that now I was a Christian and knew I must apologize for my actions, actually in-actions. I do remember telling her I wanted to go on with my life but felt I could not do so without making apology to her. I asked her forgiveness.
About two weeks went by and I received a letter. As I looked at the envelope I recognized the neat hand strokes with my name and address. Sally had received my letter and had replied.
In the letter was a polite acknowledgment of mine. She briefly addressed my concern to be forgiven and stated that she had forgiven me. She also stated that she was engaged to be married to a young man whom she had dated briefly before I had met her. A proper farewell was at the bottom of the page. As I recall, she wished me well.
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The Lord Jesus set the ground rules for worshipping God in a proper way. If you arrive at an altar of worship and service to Christ and remember a wrong in your life that you have not attended to, then that matter becomes the first order of business in your Christian life.
As an infant Christian back so many years ago I am sure my fumbling apology was not as full as it ought to have been. Now I know her parents should have heard from me as well as she. I regret that I did not realize that fact at the time. I do take comfort in the fact that I sought Sally’s forgiveness and that I am grateful that I obtained it. Sadly, I do not know if my former fiancee ever found Christ as her Saviour. She was a nice girl with a heart big enough to forgive one such as I for a great wrong in my life, committed against her that I remembered in time to set right. I am so very glad that I did “leave my gift at the altar” to turn back to Sally for forgiveness before going on with my Christian life and ministry. You can imagine my sorrow and grief had I not done so in light of the circumstances that followed. About fifteen years ago, Sally was murdered by her husband.
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